Toddler Sleep Tips
June 6, 2021
Does your toddler struggle with tantrums at bedtime? Do you feel emotionally exhausted trying to stay on top of the negotiations and multiple wake-ups each night to help your little one get back to sleep? Are you worried that they are not getting the rest they need to be healthy?
Imagine what it would be like to have snuggly, cooperative bedtimes every night that helped your child feel confident and empowered to go to sleep and stay asleep All Night Long…
This is every parent’s dream, mine included. So, here are some of the strategies I use and recommend for my clients to achieve bedtimes that both kids and adults enjoy:
Toddlers Can’t Steer The Ship
Small children love having control, but they don’t have have the skills to set expectations or keep themselves safe. It’s the caregivers job to create strong boundaries that provide autonomy and give control in age appropriate ways.
As loving adults develop clear expectations, explain them, and stick to them with consistency and empathy, we create a safe place for kids to cooperate, learn new skills and attain greater freedom. While children often love the thought of steering the ship themselves, it’s actually quite terrifying when they are given too much power. They start to act out and test the waters, which is a good indicator that they need a strong captain to take back the wheel. The great news is that very young children can rise to the occasion quite quickly when they can be active participants alongside a strong captain.
Offering Choices During the Bedtime Routine
The key to offering choices is that you are in control of the big decisions (WHEN it’s time to turn out the lights and go to bed, and WHAT activities take place as part of your bedtime routine) but your child has many opportunities to choose and feel in control along the way. We have three flavors of toothpaste and sometimes the process of applying “a little bit of chocolate and a little bit of mint please mommy” does get tedious, but bedtime ALWAYS goes better if they get to choose this small detail.
Offering choices at bedtime may sound like:
- Here are 2 pj’s which one do you want to wear tonight? Do you want to choose or should I?
- You may brush your teeth with my help, but we need to do it now so we can have time for 2 books.
- Can you come to the sink by yourself or should I help you?
- Here are 2 bedtime books, which one would you like first?
Remember, If your choice is too open ended it leads to frustration on everyone’s part. You want to steer the ship with confidence while giving your first mate a feeling of accomplishment.
An Active Body and Mind Sets the Stage for Sleep
Gross motor movements (using the WHOLE body) are vital in setting the stage for proper sleep in children and adults. Make sure that your child is getting at least 10- 15 minutes of outdoor play twice a day. If it’s not possible to play outdoors you can set up an obstacle course, play hide and seek, race or chase, yoga books or songs, follow the leader, or simon says. If you’re having a “meh” day, Laurie Berkner’s active songs will inspire those little bodies to dance, march, buzz and all you have to do is push play.
Use Calming Strategies for Toddlers and Children
Mindful Breathing (or Star Breathing, pictured below) – Teaching children to become aware, or mindful, of their breathing is a life-long skill for calming the body and noticing emotions. Books Breathe Like a Bear* and Breathe With Me* help families do this in a variety of ways.
Deep Pressure Massage – Starting at the shoulders and moving your way down to the toes, press firmly on each of the joints, using the full palm of your hand for a 2 second count, then slide down and repeat. Ask them how it felt, did they like it? Would they want you to push harder or softer? Some kiddos do NOT like this and it should be avoided. Others will ask for it again and again.
Guided Relaxation – Guided relaxation is helpful technique for calming little bodies and minds. There are several free apps that allow you to play a guided meditation that parents AND kids can relax to at the end of a long day, even if it’s just for 5 minutes. You can have your kids listen to this short visualization with Cosmic Kids Peace Out, there are others like this, and even various apps to give you some ideas for customizing your own.
The bottom line: with dedication and consistency, you CAN create the easy, connected bedtime of your dreams. If you’re struggling to do this, please reach out for support. It’s my job to help transform overwhelmed families from exhausted to confident, rested and connected!
Want to keep learning? I provide more detail and specific tools in my Top 5 Strategies of Mindful Parents video. Check it out and let me know how the suggestions work for your little one.
If the sleep issues your toddler is experiencing seem more complicated, that’s normal. There is a LOT To consider for toddlers, and just altering their schedule and routine can be really helpful! If you’re not sure the best way to do that, you can schedule a 30min call so that I can help you create a DIY plan to get your kiddo sleeping.
There’s nothing I love more than hearing parents gratitude about the change they are working to create! “For sure, this has been an improvement in my sleep. Most importantly, it has been a significant improvement in A’s sleep and behavior. He is getting more hours of sleep and he wakes up in a great mood. His growing independence around sleep is also reflected in other areas of his daily routine (getting dressed by himself and solving certain situations more independently).”
